Queen Cararas Knows Way to The Simon's Heart

Queen Cararas: A shrewd business woman

The Simon stuffs his face

Queen of the 2nd Ward, Jodi Cararas,
using her powers of black magic and fried foods appears to have gained The Simon's ear.
Cararas critics have suggested Queen has put The Simon under her spell.
Queen Cararas stuffed The Simon's belly with a southern feast of fried chicken, gumbo, jambalaya and etouffee.
"Ah do declare, The Simon is mine." Queen Cararas said while sipping on a mint julep and fanning herself lying on her fainting couch.
“Lordy, this humidity is atrocious.”

A somewhat groggy The Simon had this to say:
"When The Simon is on Twitter, The Simon loves to follow Travels.com
and thinks you should too. http://twitter.com/travelsdotcom.
Did The Simon mention Travels.com?"

The Simon & Colo Acquire Beef n Cheddar

TDS icon The Simon and DM Poobah Shawn "Kid" Colo have reached an agreement to acquire a delicious Beef-n-Cheddar sandwich from fast food chain, Arby's, for an undisclosed price, subject to drive-thru approval of window guy, Hector.

The Beef n Cheddar will be cut in half and become part of Simon/Colo Services, which is a unit of The Simon & Colo's Food Management's U.S. division, the Santa Monica-based company announced Tuesday from the Lincoln and Arizona Arby's. The Keith was not a part of the acquisition.

Breaking News: Appendix Kicked Out of McCutchen

McCutchen seen here with her appendix

Santa Monica- After abusive behavior, Jessica McCutchen's appendix, Stanley the Appendix Kowalski,
was kicked out of her body good, for causing, what authorities say,
"acute pain" to Studio Content Editor, Ms. McCutchen and her general well being.
"I'm not even sure what Stanley Appendix did for a living, he had no real function." Said friend Robyn Galbos
who was with Ms. McCutchen when her appendix started to act up.
"But we're all sitting there, having a good time and this jerk appendix starts bringing pain for like 6 to 10 hours."
Stanley the appendix was given a Temporary Restraining Order by Santa Monica courts,
but it did not stop the tissue was taunting Ms. McCutchen.
"This isn't over, woman." Stanley the appendix said, "You hear me? I’ll be back.!"

Demand Media would like to wish Ms. McCutchen a speedy recovery.

HR Steps In as Viable Contender for The Simon's Soul

Putting themselves into The Simon's soul sweepstakes, the uber talented group of misfits, better known as Human Resources (HR) has thrown their collective hat into the ring for a piece of the TDS pie. "We're hoping The Simon will advertise the DM Picnic '09!." HR Staffer Elly Levin told TDS, "We're hoping the new Espresso machine on the sixth floor greases his wheels. If you know what I mean."
Demand Media Blog lobbyist were quick to fire back
"They want a bidding war, they got one." EXECUTIVE Larry roared. "The DM blog will BBQ their little BBQ held on Saturday October 3rd, 11AM at Cheviot Hills Park It's guaranteed fun for the whole family! The picnic will be fully catered by The Outdoor Grill who will be grilling up some of the best BBQ around. But clearly, not nearly as cool as blog.demandmedia.net."

Gadhafi's Speech Doesn't Help The Simon's Choice

In his first U.N. appearance, Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi issued a slashing attack on EXECUTIVE Larry's move to advertise blog.demandmedia.net on TDS. The attack puts The Simon in an awkward position. "If The Simon decides against advertising blog.demandmedia.net in TDS, then The Simon appears to side with Gadhafi. That doesn't look good. That guy's a douche."

The Simon: Will He Sell Out?

EXECUTIVE Vice President Larry Fitzgibbons, has offered The Simon riches, meat and drink for a chance to advertise blog.demandmedia.net/ in TDS.
The Simon, a man of constant integrity and rock solid morals, was hesitant; "Many The Simon thinks The Simon is buying pleasure, when The Simon is really selling The Simon to it. Why Should The Simon loan his soul to blog.demandmedia.net/
From his chinchilla carpeted office EXECUTIVE Larry is optimistic about advertising blog.demandmedia.net/ in TDS. "He'll capitulate, nobody turns an offer from EXECUTIVE Larry down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish my lunch of baked Bald Eagle off."

Homeless Man Constructs Skyscraper Next to The Simon's Work Area

The Simon, who recently moved to the sixth floor, was enjoying his new office when Homeless Pete, a local vagrant, started piling up empty Sanyo boxes next to The Simon.
Despite letters of protest to City Hall from The Simon and clear violation of zoning laws, it has not stopped the new hobo high rise from being constructed.
"He's connected to some very powerful people in Santa Monica" The Simon told TDS.

Heckling Representative Interrupts Open Enrollment

The Simon accepted Assurant Representative's apology for shouting, "You lie!" when The Simon claimed to have no cavities during Open Enrollment.

The Simon said Thursday that the representative apologized "quickly and without equivocation" and Assurant PR told TDS the shout-out was "spontaneous."

"We all make mistakes," The Simon told TDS "And The Simon has some clean teeth, yo."

The Simon Has Moved

Beat reporter Joe “Peter Parker” Perez gets The Simon to open up about his new nest, perched up on the 6th floor.

Station Fire Spreads to The Simon's Computer

Despite having a firewall, California wildfires spread to The Simon's computer on Tuesday. "Dry weather conditions, excessive amounts of alcohol heavy Germ-X Hand Sanitizer and a having a high speed internet connection creating the perfect storm allowing this to happen." said Mike Dietrich of the U.S. Forest Service. "We're just happy The Simon is safe." Surveying the damage, The Simon sifted through charred Apple Jacks and burnt cans of Mountain Dew.