The Simon Concerned About Apple Jack Levels

"These boxes may not last through the week." A somber The Simon reported to the entire Dev. team. Heads were hung low as many wondered how they will cope without their daily bowl of Apple Jacks. Some are contemplating leaving Demand and actually walking outside to Whole Foods. "That place has healthy food, it would be a fool's journey!" Members of the mob quickly pointed out. Apple Jacks tycoon Tim Edmundson, who has been accused manipulating AJ supplies, had no comment.

The Simon Inspirational Posters

HALLWAYS-
Hopefully, Those Creepy Twins From “The Shining” Are Not at the Other End

The Simon Watches Impassioned SEO Jeff Spontaneously Combust

Uttering the phrase 'Tell me more about SEO' led The Simon to inadvertently witness deadly consequences
as SEO enthusiast Jeff Grant exploded in a passionate glorious flame while explaining the virtues of having strong SEO.
The Simon was baffled. "The Simon just asked him about optimizing Mania, Jeff was pretty excited to begin with,
then he turned red and then just friggin' exploded into tiny Jeff pieces who were all somehow all talking about SEO.
Madness, The Simon says. Madness."

The Simon's Personal Driver Raises Serious Concerns

Mr. Buttersworth

The Simon reports to Mr. Buttersworth on traffic conditions

With mounting frustration towards the daily commute, The Simon hired his neighbor's pet Labrador, Mr. Buttersworth, to drive him to work. "The Simon saw one of those guide dogs helping a blind man." The Simon said, "So, The Simon figured, how hard could driving be? Labs are smart dogs." The Simon said that Mr. Buttersworth is as good as most LA drivers, but will occasionally veer off course to chase squirrels.

The Simon Digs Clif Bar Nano

Electronics guru, Joe Perez, recently got The Simon into the new Clif Bar Nano. "Not only is this thing loaded w/ vitamins and other Livestrong-type-crap" Joe P told The Simon, "but you can also get like 100 songs on that thing." The Simon and Joe P bumped fists, blew them up and then enjoyed listening to "Maneater" by Hall and Oates for the greater portion of the afternoon.

The Simon Enjoys Meaty Beveridge

The Quarter Pounder, apparently, now comes in liquid form.

The Simon Wants to Know...

William...What's in the box??? What's in the boooxxx???

The Daily Simon: Pilot Season

With DM icon, The Simon, out today, TDS decided to let DM staff pitch shows to the community.

The Nightly Nader
I break my finger.
It hurts to type.
I break my finger while playing the volleyball.
Curse you Tourkow, I blame you.
I like cats.

Show #2-

Quandt's Quarterly Quiz Time
Question #1- What team rules the earth?
Question #2- What team could destroy the universe?
Question #3- What team could beat God if God played college football and also played in the Pac-10 or scheduled a Non-conference game?

The Simon: American Hero

Santa Monica- The Simon got a bit testy on Thursday, when Human Resources tried to remove
The Simon's makeshift slingshot from his cubicle on Thursday.
"You will get The Simon's slingshot, when you pry it out of Simon's dead, cold hands."
A steely eyed The Simon told HR, who quickly retreated and then broke off for a two hour lunch.
A lifelong member of the NSSA (National Slingshot Association- headquarted in Austin, Texas),
The Simon said that is merely protecting The Simon's personal computer files.

The Simon Sticks It to the Swine Flu

Take that Swine flu! Not willing to be intimidated by the H1N1 virus and wanting to get a healthy buzz on, The Simon did shots of Germ-X on Wednesday. Germ-X not only could root out any possible Swine flu virus lurking deep inside The Simon's body, but also contains 63% alcohol. The Simon described the taste of Germ-X as "Creme de Minthe-esque, but better tasting."

The Simon Haunted By Bing Jingle

New Cups Inadvertently Make The Simon Feel Inadequate

Paper cup replacements have had an adverse affect on the morale of DM employees,including The Simon. "The Simon doesn't feel manly with a small cup." Other Demand employees voiced their frustration: "They're so damn small." Content editor and big cup lover Liana Aghajanian told TDS. "As someone who drinks a lot of water, these cups do not even come close to quenching my thirst."

The Keith Mistaken for The Simon

Santa Monica- Pacific Palisades library Card carrier, movie lover and CEO of Demand Media, Richard Rosenblatt made the error of mistaking The Simon's doppelganger The Keith for The Simon during Friday's taco lunch.
Rosenblatt later apologized to The Simon via Twitter:
RR: @TheSimon: Yo, sorry bro. My bad About 3 minutes ago
TheSimon @ RR: No worries, R2. The Simon mistook Jeremy Reed for Gerard Butler once. You're still The Simon's homeboy. About 2 minutes ago
RR: @TheSimon: Bff, man. BFF!!!! About 1 minute ago

The Simon Finds Culprit Behind Copier Tomfoolery

Photo Courtesy of Joe "Peter Parker" Perez
Paper Jams, low ink toner, copier on the fritz; Demand employees have heard all of these reasons for a broken copy machine before. But thanks to The Simon's crack detective work, we now know why. Apparently, Charles Hilliard's identical twin-prank-playing brother, Selrahc, has been sabotaging the copier while DM staff are not around. Fraternal doppelganger Selrahc is only distinguishable to Charles only by his goatee and motto: spend, spend, spend.

The Simon Recaptures Freed Journalists

The Simon The Hunter

Laura Ling and Euna Lee react as they fall into The Simon's trap

Santa Monica- Freed Journalist Laura Ling and Euna Lee were caught by The Simon after being released from Pyongyang, North Korea prison. "It wasn't that hard." The Simon stated, "The Simon will only release them if they sign up through Demand Studios as writers, pending approval of course."

The Simon Outflanks Pam Jones

The Simon Rants About Snacks

Sun Chips...What's up with them?