The Simon's Personal Driver Raises Serious Concerns

Mr. Buttersworth

The Simon reports to Mr. Buttersworth on traffic conditions

With mounting frustration towards the daily commute, The Simon hired his neighbor's pet Labrador, Mr. Buttersworth, to drive him to work. "The Simon saw one of those guide dogs helping a blind man." The Simon said, "So, The Simon figured, how hard could driving be? Labs are smart dogs." The Simon said that Mr. Buttersworth is as good as most LA drivers, but will occasionally veer off course to chase squirrels.

The Simon Digs Clif Bar Nano

Electronics guru, Joe Perez, recently got The Simon into the new Clif Bar Nano. "Not only is this thing loaded w/ vitamins and other Livestrong-type-crap" Joe P told The Simon, "but you can also get like 100 songs on that thing." The Simon and Joe P bumped fists, blew them up and then enjoyed listening to "Maneater" by Hall and Oates for the greater portion of the afternoon.

The Simon Enjoys Meaty Beveridge

The Quarter Pounder, apparently, now comes in liquid form.

The Simon Wants to Know...

William...What's in the box??? What's in the boooxxx???

The Daily Simon: Pilot Season

With DM icon, The Simon, out today, TDS decided to let DM staff pitch shows to the community.

The Nightly Nader
I break my finger.
It hurts to type.
I break my finger while playing the volleyball.
Curse you Tourkow, I blame you.
I like cats.

Show #2-

Quandt's Quarterly Quiz Time
Question #1- What team rules the earth?
Question #2- What team could destroy the universe?
Question #3- What team could beat God if God played college football and also played in the Pac-10 or scheduled a Non-conference game?

The Simon: American Hero

Santa Monica- The Simon got a bit testy on Thursday, when Human Resources tried to remove
The Simon's makeshift slingshot from his cubicle on Thursday.
"You will get The Simon's slingshot, when you pry it out of Simon's dead, cold hands."
A steely eyed The Simon told HR, who quickly retreated and then broke off for a two hour lunch.
A lifelong member of the NSSA (National Slingshot Association- headquarted in Austin, Texas),
The Simon said that is merely protecting The Simon's personal computer files.

The Simon Sticks It to the Swine Flu

Take that Swine flu! Not willing to be intimidated by the H1N1 virus and wanting to get a healthy buzz on, The Simon did shots of Germ-X on Wednesday. Germ-X not only could root out any possible Swine flu virus lurking deep inside The Simon's body, but also contains 63% alcohol. The Simon described the taste of Germ-X as "Creme de Minthe-esque, but better tasting."